I want to step back and talk about why I didn't ever want to have kids, since it largely has to do with the topic of TBW.
Now, we all know that having children means gaining weight. Yes, there are those women who, days after giving birth, appear like they were never pregnant in the first place - I'm sure you know some of them too! But, I'm assuming that most of my audience has struggled with their weight. And for me, the idea of gaining weight terrified me, especially intentionally gaining weight. That is actually one reason (of many!) why I didn't/don't take birth control - it makes me gain weight. Still, even if I was able to reach my goal weight before having children, I don't believe my mindset would have changed on this matter, especially since I have other reasons besides weight gain as to why I didn't want kids.
Being pregnant when you are under 200 lbs is one thing. But being pregnant at 235 lbs was not exactly what I would call ideal. I was big to begin with, so now I'm going to get even bigger. Not only that, I had a lot of embarrassment surrounding being a plus size pregnant lady. For starters, how hard is it to find plus size maternity clothes? Sure, Motherhood sells them, but they aren't cheap! I had to drop a small fortune on a new wardrobe simply because I am a plus size pregnant lady. If I were smaller, I could have at least gotten away with Target Maternity clothes or another cheaper brand, but this is not my reality. So on the surface, another source of my pregnancy devastation was that I would be putting my body through a process that was not ideal for it at this weight. I guess what I'm trying to say is I owe more to my child than to have it develop/grow in an overweight body. If given the choice I would have rather been at goal.
Not only that, but because I'm already a bigger lady, is anyone ever even going to be able to tell I'm actually pregnant? At this point, I'd still say the answer is no. I know what my body looks like at 235, but now that I'm over 5 months pregnant I definitely can tell that my belly is a pregnant one. But to the people who don't know me.... can they tell? I doubt it. I'm sure they think I'm just another overweight woman. That does bother me, I have to be honest.
That is just how I feel about the process of being pregnant. But, what happens after I have the baby? How hard is it going to be then to lose the weight, not just the baby weight but the baby weight plus the initial weight I was trying to lose? Living where I do, I always feel stressed/strapped for time with a long commute and a 9 hr work day. I know it's going to be that much harder to make exercise and healthy eating a priority once the baby arrives. Can I do it? I hope so! I want to be able to do it so I can be the best version of myself so that I can be around long enough to enjoy my child and my life with Joel. Only time will tell.
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